Helena-Reet: Now I’m telling you something unexpected…

OHMYGOSSIP – I have been working so endlessly that everything inside is turning – at times night and day get mixed up. My last vacation was 4 days back in November 2016 when I took some OHMYGOSSIP team members, networking partners and a couple of co-authors on a journey to Morocco. It is possible to refer to those three days in June as a vacation when a good Finnish friend of mine, Tuija Järvinen visited me, yet these days, too, tended to be half work and half leisure.

 I am so very exhausted and so overwhelmed by work that I sometimes cannot but find myself entertaining the idea of separating from my husband and starting from scratch some place else – just me alone and my children. At times of weariness it appears to me that particularly Margus has the most demands on food and is the most eager to make a mess that needs to be cleaned up. As you may understand, somebody has to be responsible for the inconvenience… For example, I find it very annoying that he expects to have meat for dinner every day, while I am gradually becoming a vegetarian or perhaps even a vegan. As far as I am informed about this, the difference between these two is that a vegetarian has also eggs, dairy products and fish on the menu, while a vegan narrows it all down to plain herbal components.

It is painful to picture in my mind the torturing of animals. Similarly, I cannot stand the misuse and direct waste of food. In our family it is unfortunately quite so often the fact that the fridge is full of products, everything is opened up and unpacked straightaway and then there is nobody to really consume all that – so it is soon no longer edible and must be thrown away. It just drives me mad! Seriously! Maybe this is a defective attitude, but lately I feel the inner pressure to be in unison with nature and this view is in clear conflict with consuming vast quantities of meat, needlessly wasting food and other resources (at least in the manner and amount that it is happening today). Definitely I am not the person to toss around claims like „Never again!”, however, I do belong to the group of people that hope to continuously take small steps towards creating an atmosphere of respect for animals and the nature. Lets say, my cat fell ill (impaired the vocal chords) – this has me very worried. My concern for the cat may be as significant as to render me incapacitated. I daily and annually run monumental web portals that feed the curiosity and information needs of hundreds-thousands readers every day. Yet when a family member or cat (who is likewise the family) is ill, it is rather that I discontinue the job and withdraw the contracts than neglect my family (including the pets). At times like that there will be no newsfeed and that is the end of the story. My team partners know that already and they can accept it. There have been days like that, though seldom. I must admit that except for my younger daughter’s autistic disorder (which is not a common cold), nobody in our family has actually been ill for ages and my newsmill has been working for the past ten years nonstop… It is however a pity that I have not managed to line up my own personal health requirements, inner needs and emotions with those of others. I should be doing so, since lately I have not been feeling very well. I feel the urge to let myself be for a short while. Plainly. Be. Simply. Randomly. Offline. Off duty. Even a few days away from the glowing screen, all signed out and shut down.

I am fascinated by the idea of cutting the expenses and economizing and I find wastefulness annoying. Two thirds of my lifetime I have done everything to serve the idle end and find friends among those who fancy the pouring money. And need I say I have been successful on this path. I have profoundly desired to unrestrictedly own it and show my attitude without filtering the inappropriate details – just because I can. I know, it does sound stupid, but to be honest, this has been my purpose for many a year – to be as solid, as autonomous that nothing would get me off the track, that nothing would shake me, that I would act upon my own will. It is a common wisdom that money accumulates in the pockets that already hold it and that wealthy friends and profitable connections lift you up on the property ladder. However, there is a fine line between remaining your true self and becoming a mere robot for attaining your ambition of outdistancing the mediocre, becoming the best, the first, the richest of all. Today I argue that this has been in vain. I have been among people that I largely dislike and am not fond of, I have been seeking to please. The money and the fortune is not worth that. Happiness stands diametrically apart from money. Independence has a value and is necessary to a point, but further down the road it turns into arbitrary outflow of energy. It makes me very happy to realize this state of affairs today. For sure, there will remain a certain amount of doubt – would I be the self-confident and well off person that I am now without following that path?! I cannot know. The people, the opportunities, the circumstances vary. So do the purposes. I do know that I am among the most widely read Scandinavian, American and Brazilian bloggers thanks to the great commitment of the past years. I will elaborate on that in the posts yet to come. And for now, my darling friends…

…I’m going to tell you something wildly surprising… I will be off for a holiday in the next two or three days!! I will travel to Viljandi with my elder sis and that is even more thrilling than a wedding trip! It all starts in the mind – happiness, joy, relaxation! I wish to wander in the forests, roam the tiny villages of our countryside, behold my grandmother’s grave, and simply be. We will meet as soon as we meet, but not before a few days time! I am off for a holiday!

PS! a synopsis of the super sweet and positive emotions that entwined all fellow Estonians after the Song festival „Mina jään!” („I am to be!”) from Sunday, 2 July, will be posted along with the picture gallery shortly after my holiday!

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